For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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