My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
