uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you remember whose house we're in?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
