Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I CAN MOONWALK!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
