His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
