oh god the rape fog is back!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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