He passed out mid-signature
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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