I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
