I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
