If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
