I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize