I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
