her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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