You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
