If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
