jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
