Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
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Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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