I'm gonna have a badass scar
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
