All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
