worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
