you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm like, not good at living.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize