So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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