tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
