Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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