He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
