I wish I could teleport
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
