you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My feet surprised me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
