i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
