He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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