i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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