I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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