with your own penis?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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