I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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