I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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