i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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