thus making me awesome and them whores
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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