Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
