I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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