we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
