So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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