Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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