I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
