Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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