the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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