Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
