Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
