I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We have started to decorate penises.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
