i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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