We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
