Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Drake has all the answers
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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