So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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