My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
