Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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