She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
