I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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