she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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