She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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