Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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