Nicole vs. Life
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
