I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
