She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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