Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
