I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
