btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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