i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
