very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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