Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
from now on my penis is your penis
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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